- Carlotta: A tattoo?
- Mrs. Riley: I don't know what possessed him to do such a childish thing.
- Gussie: It's on his arm. It's a bleeding heart. Oh, I love him. I want to get one myself.
- Mrs. Riley: You?
- Gussie: Yeah. Can I Mom? Can I get a tattoo?
- Mrs. Riley: One tattoo in a family is enough.
- Carlotta: I don't know how I'm going to like it here now. I mean, there's only one bathroom and I know how men can mess up a bathroom!
- Mrs. Riley: You want to be an undertaker?
- Bus Riley: Well, they don't call them undertakers any more, Mom. They call them morticians.
- Mrs. Riley: Oh. You think you'd be happy in that kind of work?
- Bus Riley: Yeah.
- Mrs. Riley: Working with dead people?
- Mrs. Spencer: We've a service coming up pretty soon. We're having a dress rehearsal, for old Lady Herndon, from out west of town. Died of a heart attack when one of her cats was hit by a moving van. Poor old dear. Want to take a look at her?
- Bus Riley: Oh, no.
- Mrs. Spencer: Why? You're not afraid of death are you?
- Bus Riley: No.
- Mrs. Spencer: She's lying there, as natural as life. Pretty as a picture. She was a sight when they first brought her here. But, Spencer's an artist! He dolls them up until they look like chorus girls.
- Gussie: It's a camera. I always wanted a camera.
- Mrs. Riley: You got her a camera?
- Bus Riley: I got it in Tokyo, Mom. You can get them cheap there.
- Gussie: [hugging Bus] Tokyo! I bet I'm the *only* kid in school that's got a camera from Tokyo!
- Mrs. Riley: The sun doesn't rise and set on Bus Riley.
- Gussie: I think he's greater than - Rock Hudson, Gordon Cooper, Cary Grant, and George Maharis - all rolled up into one.
- Mrs. Riley: Well, remember that he's human too. He has his faults. He's no superman.
- Gussie: Of course, he's human.
- Slocum: It is most important in this work to create a favorable first impression. Well, eh, try to get a manicure.
- Laurel: You were the scrawniest life guard I'd ever seen. You filled out since then.
- Bus Riley: So have you.
- Laurel: Can I take that as a complement?
- Bus Riley: Sure. Just don't build anything on it.
- Laurel: Oh, you didn't used to be so careful with your complements. You used to think I was all there was - the whole department store.
- Bus Riley: Used to.
- Slocum: Remember, now, it's not a vacuum sweeper you're selling; but, a new scientific method of sanitizing the home. Never present yourself to the housewife as a salesman. Never! You are offering her an opportunity to share in the latest scientific research and to protect her loved ones. You must think of yourself as a agent whose fulling the American housewife's needs. You must understand those needs. The American housewife is sometimes a *very* lonely woman, Riley. She is your responsibility.
- Judy: Is that what life is? Just loving and hating? Isn't there some kind of love that leaves you peaceful inside?
- Carlotta: I cannot live in this house with that boy of yours any - more.
- Mrs. Riley: I'm sorry, Carlotta.
- Carlotta: He comes in at all hours of the night and he sounds like some wild man from Borneo! And he turned this place into a jungle. And he appears in the hall and he is not fully clothed!
- Mrs. Riley: Paula, you know that Bus makes some of his deliveries at night.
- Paula: Oh, is that right? Well, that's what you think! He doesn't make any deliveries at night. He just drives over to that floozy's house and stays there until morning.
- Country Club Lady in Pink Suit: I'll bid. Spade.
- Country Club Lady in Green Top: I pass. - Your bid, dear.
- Laurel: Ah, heart.
- Country Club Lady in Floral Dress: Oh, that's insufficient, dear. Your partner bid one spade.
- Laurel: Two hearts then.
- Country Club Lady in Floral Dress: Two, no Trump.
- Country Club Lady in Green Top: Me, the team with a kamikaze pilot.
- Country Club Lady in Green Dress: [to the waiter] Another scotch and soda. And tell the barkeep to spill some in the glass this time.
- Country Club Lady in Floral Dress: It's a little early in the day to start drinking, isn't it?
- Country Club Lady in Green Dress: Not to me! I'm on Rocky Mountain Time.